Valentines Day leh Nunlui
Valentine's Day tuong tungkiata e,
Lawmthang oi, Hing phong ing;
Khomiel kuan lungleng huikhi hing laang e,
Lungjuan jatam siel ut in mau ing
Khuuva bang in.
Hing zuan ing ngai
Ka nei tengtoh, ei pom ven;
Nun bang nuam ing lungkuoi
Ngainem, leh anglai pom.
Nang ngai ning zu pahnamtui
Nam leng muong pen ing.
Valentine's Day niin
Hing phong ing ngai, ningkhuoiju leh
Bawngnawi bang in hum tei va
Na kamsung kei ding'n.
Lawmthang aw
Nalung kim nadiei
Ka nei silpuan kasilte tung ah
Ei dawng ven ngai
Dawng kot hong ing
Vang ka ngai nang diin,
Ngainuom mang e ngainou tong dam.
Galin don ing ,don gim namsih
Amin haithei bangin lou nanleng huikhuon
Tong hing dawng ta e.
Miten thang sah uh
Valentine's niin, akop kop in
Khut leh khut kitu in nau bang nui mel puan
Ei phong hal e ngai na khut sung lum
Vang ki ngaina shikuang bang'n hat lunggul vang ngai.
Tunlejua khuoi bang hang nanleh ,
Tam chitna pen lei sawm talei
Nuichiem lelnan ei kilel khum va.
Ei han chiem un
Nou Delhi lienu te aw.
Ka ngai nou mel na mu uleh
"Nang vang ngai in sawlbang vul ta "
ei chi pieh un.
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The Winner:
- Gloria Nianghoikim
Bangalore, Tubrali Road (Whitefield)
Mob No. 09886717367
d/o Khupsuonkham
Zoveng, Light House Land
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The Prize Rs. 300/- is contributed by Pu Haulienkap, Delhi. Many Thanks to Pu Haolienkap and Family. He is sponsoring with the purpose of promoting the importance of bringing up the writing skills of the young generations.
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May thanks to Mr. Khaiminthang, The Moderator of ZouWorkshop for brillinatly judging this competition. Here, his comment.
JUDGE COMMENTS
Gloria Nianghoikim impressed me the most. it's kinda like she lost her bf and wanna find him wherever he is. She first express her desire for her bf at the 1st part, the second part talks about her longing for her bf during the valentine's day. the third part states that she wants to be with her bf on the valentine's day because everyone was with their bf or gf and enjoying the joy of valentine's day and she concluded her poem by saying that her bf wasn't with her and she so much long for him and asked everyone to tell her if anyone know her bf's whereabouts. So, i voted Gloria Nianghoikim.
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** Read the rest of the contributions I mage Source: http://www.mazecreator.com/gal/couple.bmp
.::. All my articles can be view here: MELTED HEARTS .::.
Valentine's Day tuong tungkiata e,
Lawmthang oi, Hing phong ing;
Khomiel kuan lungleng huikhi hing laang e,
Lungjuan jatam siel ut in mau ing
Khuuva bang in.
Hing zuan ing ngai
Ka nei tengtoh, ei pom ven;
Nun bang nuam ing lungkuoi
Ngainem, leh anglai pom.
Nang ngai ning zu pahnamtui
Nam leng muong pen ing.
Valentine's Day niin
Hing phong ing ngai, ningkhuoiju leh
Bawngnawi bang in hum tei va
Na kamsung kei ding'n.
Lawmthang aw
Nalung kim nadiei
Ka nei silpuan kasilte tung ah
Ei dawng ven ngai
Dawng kot hong ing
Vang ka ngai nang diin,
Ngainuom mang e ngainou tong dam.
Galin don ing ,don gim namsih
Amin haithei bangin lou nanleng huikhuon
Tong hing dawng ta e.
Miten thang sah uh
Valentine's niin, akop kop in
Khut leh khut kitu in nau bang nui mel puan
Ei phong hal e ngai na khut sung lum
Vang ki ngaina shikuang bang'n hat lunggul vang ngai.
Tunlejua khuoi bang hang nanleh ,
Tam chitna pen lei sawm talei
Nuichiem lelnan ei kilel khum va.
Ei han chiem un
Nou Delhi lienu te aw.
Ka ngai nou mel na mu uleh
"Nang vang ngai in sawlbang vul ta "
ei chi pieh un.
----------------------------------------
The Winner:
- Gloria NianghoikimBangalore, Tubrali Road (Whitefield)
Mob No. 09886717367
d/o Khupsuonkham
Zoveng, Light House Land
--------------------------------------
The Prize Rs. 300/- is contributed by Pu Haulienkap, Delhi. Many Thanks to Pu Haolienkap and Family. He is sponsoring with the purpose of promoting the importance of bringing up the writing skills of the young generations.
-------------------------------------
May thanks to Mr. Khaiminthang, The Moderator of ZouWorkshop for brillinatly judging this competition. Here, his comment.
JUDGE COMMENTS
Gloria Nianghoikim impressed me the most. it's kinda like she lost her bf and wanna find him wherever he is. She first express her desire for her bf at the 1st part, the second part talks about her longing for her bf during the valentine's day. the third part states that she wants to be with her bf on the valentine's day because everyone was with their bf or gf and enjoying the joy of valentine's day and she concluded her poem by saying that her bf wasn't with her and she so much long for him and asked everyone to tell her if anyone know her bf's whereabouts. So, i voted Gloria Nianghoikim.
--------------------------------------
** Read the rest of the contributions I mage Source: http://www.mazecreator.com/gal/couple.bmp
.::. All my articles can be view here: MELTED HEARTS .::.
Dear Mang,
ReplyDeleteI thought the judgement note would not be posted here for public view. Anyway, no problem, just a minor grammatical errors while we chat online (online chating English, huh), but a concise one.
My suggestions to her and the other Zou poets is to write their poems in a poetic language/terms.
Example:
First Stanza:
"Khomiel kuon" could have been written as "Muikhojin kuon" (Evening) or "Zandam" (night)
Valentine's day tungkiata = ... tuong (hing) tungkiata
Khuuva bangin hing zuan ing = khuva bangin hing leeng ing
Anglai pom = anglai naubang (ki)pom
Second stanza:
Na kam sung kei diing'n = Na tongsuo/tongdam kei di'n
Bawngnawi = sebawngnawi
Lung = Selung/lailung
Kanei silpuon kasilte = kanei silpuon ka baatte.
Don gimnam sih = don gimnam lou ("sih" is spoken/prose) These part has so many smart poetic terms and arrangements. Kudos
Third stanza:
Minte'n thangsah uh = Guolgen minthang
Khut-le-khut kitu in = Banjal kitu in/paibang pomin
I got lost here: "Tunlejua khuoi bang hang nanleh, Tam chitna pen lei sawm talei"
Need arrangements.
"Nang (Na) vang ngai in sawlbang vul ta" concluded the poem which is so impressive.
One thing to remember: I assume all poems are not songs, but most (of the) songs (lyrics) are poems. But, they both have one thing in common: the arrangement.
My overall judgement is that it's a good and well written peom. I wish her and her friends (Zou poets) a success in the tenfold, hundredfold, thousandfold, millionfold, etc. with the endless horizon being the determination.